Motivation And Encouragement Through Networking



It's good to network on the internet; invaluable today when so many people are online. As a campaigning tool (like the Hot Women Campaign ) it's essential.

It also means you can connect without meeting in person. In other words, you can befriend the guy in the lighthouse of communicate with someone the other side of the world. You can skype, IM or You Tube. It saves huge amounts of time.

However, despite the myriad of avenues offered by the internet to avoid it, a new era of networking and face to face meetings has evolved. As someone said to me the other day, 'you can't beat the old fashioned meeting when it comes to doing some kinds of business.'

The net is essential for campaigning on important issues

International speaker Molly Harvey uses in her five star presentations the fact that Richard Branson can apparently tell with sixty seconds of meeting new people whether there is any future in collaboration. Fascinating new research has now, Molly tells me (she refers to our inner sat nav) shas given this a scientific basis. Apparently our radiated energy field extends out to such a degree that we interconnect from quite some feet away, from behind, from the side, through a crowd. All this lends some lab tested evidence to support those ‘gut’ feelings we get about people. What's the chemistry? Can we motivate one another? So important.

So effective networking 2010 is no simple business, nor has it ever been. Connecting up the right people is a special skill now being developed to meet the new era of social entrepreneurs. Take 'special agent' Caroline Bosher, for example. A branding expert, bearing more than a trifle resemblance to Steig Larssen’s cult heroine Lisbeth Salander, she quite simply enjoys introducing powerful people to one another. A supernetworker.

Despite thousands of friends on Facebook or Twitter, nothing changes. Getting to the top field of influence is tough. Say you haven't got the right connections, don't go to the right places, wouldn't even know where to start? Well, you may be encouraged to hear there are good people like Robyn Scott, author of 'Twenty chickes for a Saddle', trying to help. Check out OneLeap. In fact, feeling a little weary and discouraged because your email has not been answered. (Everyone complains of email overload) 'Did it ever get there?' you wonder. Then check out her blog and it will instantly refresh you.

It’s always good to meet up with motivating women.

THE SUNSHINE OF ENCOURAGEMENT

Most of us benefit from encouragement in one way or another. Women in particular spend much of their waking hours doing just that, willing our children or our loved ones to do better, or be happier. Sometimes it requires that deep centred, intense 'make or break' motivation, but most of the time it is just gentle, regular, repeated expressions of approval. Whatever form it takes, that warm support is the essence of morale enhancement.

You never know quite from which direction that energy will arrive. It's all wrapped in that well known proverb ‘Things happen when you least expect them too.’ Which is so true, they do. And that's probably because there's a spiritual dimension involved in encouragement. Little mood lifting gestures to passing strangers like a knowing smile to a woman strugging with a querulous child or a friendly nod, believe it or not, act as a 'turning point' or lifesaving moment . That’s why I believe we all act as messengers of inspiration in our every day lives, sometimes without even knowing it.

However, it was very flattering to be featured in Jeni Barnett’s LBC Inspirational Women’s Week on Tuesday. The theme was to celebrate the release of Sandra Bullock’s film ‘the Blind Side’ which won her the Oscar. In the movie she plays a mum who stops at nothing to make a difference to a homeless teenager and is based on the true story of All-American football star Michael Oher.

An actress, comedienne and accomplished presenter Jeni’s day time conversation with the general public of London is quite a heroic feat in itself. To be able to sustain and challenge open expression on air requires great stamina as well as a special talent. So it was nice to be one of her guests.

To catch a copy of my interview with Jeni

Mother's Day Next Sunday

Photo: My elder daughter, Brooke.

A mother’s warmth is the essence of motivation. If we could liquefy the encouragement, care and compassion we deliver to our children it would surely fill an expanse greater than the Pacific. Why can’t we put it to more use?

Bullying at Number Ten

The Gordon Brown ‘bullying’ scandal highlights several aspects of today’s society. Firstly, that the problem of bullying is widespread. Secondly, and more optimistically, that it is now viewed with distaste by the general public. Otherwise Mr. Brown would not go to such great lengths as to refute it.

The reason for this is clear. Bullying behaviour is no longer considered either socially acceptable, or a suitable trait of leadership.

The third issue this saga raises is an awareness of the difficulties that victims of bullying face. If the sum total of all the top ministers running our country is unable to calm a raging boss, then what encouragement is there for the tea-lady in a local packaging factory?

Act Against Bullying is concerned with the effects on children, but the principles are very much the same. It was set up to help young people who are bullied at school by raising awareness of the harmful long term effects of systematic, harmful intimidation.

However, it’s not easy. We can’t fool ourselves. To be able to tackle the issue of bullying I think we have to accept that all human beings exhibit these characteristics in certain situations. It is sheer fantasy to imagine that we can be one hundred per cent placid and that aggression is not innate. Too many experiments have demonstrated this inconvenient fact. The important thing, I believe, is that we accept this side of ourselves, so that, in doing so, we can control it.

The fact is too that we revere powerful people, we fear them. It’s our natural instinct. So while Gordon Brown’s behaviour—as reported in Andrew Rawnsley’s book The End of the Party—sounds most unpleasant, there would not be a CEO in the country who would not have noticed the hypersensitive behaviour of his or her staff the moment he or she shows up at the office. This is why effective leaders are so aware of their outward behaviour at all times, and why we are all slightly dismayed by the accounts of life at number 10.

How do we deal with bullying though? Taking these above pointers into account, that humans harbour aggression (probably an evolutionary advantage) and uncontrolled outbursts of temper not only do damage to ourselves (our reputations, our health and self confidence) as well as to others. (Bullying accounts for anything up to twenty suicides of children under sixteen in this country alone a year) .

Well that’s why charities like Act Against Bullying is so important. Not only do we highlight this important issue to keep it in the news, we actively promote campaigns to counteract the sort of behaviour which leads to scenarios like this one.

Our Cool to be Kind campaign has been running now for ten years. Basically it is a way of promoting the importance of consideration for others and, if you like, basic good manners. Altruism is not only essential for children to learn and practice, it teaches good habits. In fact kind manners are the antithesis of bullying behaviour and that is why they should be actively enforced.

The sister campaign we are running at present is CyberKind which is our initiative to counter cyberbullying. Researchers of compassion have uncovered that by actively thinking, discussing and practicing kind deeds, there is a positive, knock-on effect. People generally feel better about themselves when they do something for other people that is nice as opposed to nasty. Plus if they feel better, they behave better. And so it goes.

Maybe Mr. Brown could make amends to his tormented staff by holding a Cool to be Kind Day at Downing Street?

It is hugely important, particularly as we live in a high-pressure society where people are expected to manage so many tasks simultaneously, and particular during this ‘celebrity era’ when everything is photographed and forwarded straight away to Facebook that we consciously do everything we can to act against bullying. It is what a civilised society is all about.

After all, we are all only human.

St. Petersburg Ball

I made a new friend the other day. He’s a fourteen year old boy – the sort you know just by meeting could go a long way. He’s not just got a delightful personality and is polite, but he tinkers with computer programmes, like writing his own. In other words, he’s got a brain. His bike had been so badly trashed at school by a gang of bullies it’s still there, unmoveable. More appalling to me, he’s got an operation approaching – the fifth in a series to fix a disability he was born with (one leg longer than the other) which put him in a wheelchair for a year. All that plus he’s had ‘home’ problems on top of that What could say? 'I’m very sorry.'

Why, you might well ask, would you pick on someone with a disability? It doesn’t seem right, does it? But unfortunately the facts are stark, it happens a lot. I’ve heard scores of stories like his since I set up Act Against Bullying. Kids with disabilities get picked on. So that evening, at the St. Petersburg Ball at the Landmark Hotel in Marylebone I was pleased to be amongst a set of people equally unhappy about how some children get treated.

The Children’s Burns Trust, which runs the ball, is a very focussed organisation. They are concerned mostly with providing post trauma help that the NHS can’t run to. That’s because suffering a scald or a burn can mean not just physical agony —undergoing the dozens of skin grafts to release the scar tissue — but also the psychological torment. How hard is it for youngsters to cope with disfigurements at a time in their life when they are at their most sensitive? The financial stress that befalls the family (burns hospitals far away, cost of treatment, child care cover, etc) is bad enough. Add on to this the social isolation that comes along with the unpleasant treatment that often gets dished out to victims and you are talking about lifetime scarring on several dimensions.

'A hot drink can scald a small child up to fifteen minutes after being poured.' Children's Burns Trust

It was great evening, because the event is as glamorous as it possibly can be with stirring orchestral pieces, wonderfully colourful costumes and enthusiastic dancers. Over a great dinner I spoke with Prince Dimitri Lovabov Rostovsky about the traction between The Children’s Burns Trust and Act Against Bullying and Princess Marina about their plans for the future. There’s currently an urgent need for a database of facts and figures relating to child burn and scald victims. There’s also their new scheme to put parents in touch. It is still in the planning stage but I think it’s a great idea. Very encouraging for women who are suffering the guilt, however inappropriate, that can occur after a their child is involved in an accident. Fifty percent of children admitted to hospital have been burnt by hot drinks.

On a lighter note, it was good to speak with the attractive Princess Olga Romanoff about her reconstruction of Provender Manor in Kent. CEO of the Ritz Club Casinos Tim Cullimore told me of his plans to pass on his dinner suits his young son along with the drum set he keeps in his house n Switzerland, and Oliver Baines about singing and the recording success of Blake.

To find out more about the Children’s Burn Trust to meet up with other parents of burn victims www.makingcontact.org

Sunshine or Shade? (Or is it how us women are made?)

It’s everywhere at the moment. We’re questioning the irresponsibility of super-optimistic thinking like never before. I guess this is all because it’s cost us money recently. We’re blaming reckless consumption and the ‘because we’re worth it’ trend of super-selfindulgence for the near collapse of the banking system, the demise of our overheating planet, and stuff like that. And, to a greater or lesser extent, the examination’s been long overdue.

So last week when I attended a debate at the RSA chaired by Julian Thompson about whether a strongly optimistic outlook is the key to a resilient, productive society, it was interesting to gauge public perception. Five years ago this would have been a no-brainer; obviously optimists are great people, and the only success icons. Back then was the age of Rhonda Byrne’s The Secret which sold like hot cakes. Millions enjoyed it ,believing just to read the text would open the floodgates of plenty. It was marketed right at peak of the super-positive thinking boom, a la tulip mania.

On the side of the ‘pro’ for this lunchtime event was Laurence Shorter, comic and author of the The Optimist. On the panel of self-confessed, 'apologetic' pessimists were two highly accomplished and perceptive writers Ariel Leve and Lucy Mangan.

At one point Lucy—almost as an aside—suggested that maybe being a pessimist was a woman’s thing.

And I believe she’s right. This is why motivational advice for women is different to the positive power patter that is dished out to men. Our responses to stimuli are rated on another scale. Our physical survival depends on it. According to Barbara Wilding FRSA, ex Chief Constable of South Wales Police, ‘women have an instinct about what makes people safer’. An awareness of danger, whether or not you or your offspring should walk a dark country lane alone after midnight, is a by-product of sensible distrust. But more importantly, as empathisers, which women tend to be – we are more in tune with pessimism. How can you sense someone’s pain if you can’t visualise it? Or comfort using impassive, automated-responses ‘she’ll be right, mate!’. Compassion and cheery platitudes are obviously incompatible.

Could it be that we don’t actually like our women, our mothers, our confidantes to be too optimistic all the time?

In a society where an optimist conjures up ‘sunny and encouraging’ and pessimist ‘depressing and negative’, there is a huge guilt attached to being in the latter camp. I also sense fn intellectual snobbery; optimistic people are perceived brainless sales persons, and disingenuous; pessimistic people more learned, more philosophical, not so 'in your face'.

The complexities of womanhood demand we switch roles constantly; optimist, pessimist, optimist, pessimist …whoops, sorry, optimist, optimist, pessimist, optimist. And at a moment’s notice. But that’s the way women are wonderfully made. It’s a natural, and therefore, successful pattern. There’s a time to shine; a time to shelter. The art, I believe, is in developing an ability to present the right application of gloss or shade at the appropriate time.

To hear a transcript of the event

Old Style Courtesy and Hospitality: The CUS

Last Thursday I was invited by Andrew Chapman to speak at the internationally famous Cambridge Union by participating in their Freshers feminism debate "This House Believes We'd be Better Off if Women Ruled the World."

(pic. left to right,Rupert Myers, Emma Wimhurst, Louise Court, Edwina Currie, myself and James Max)

Oh dear. I’m afraid we only managed to convince the house to the tune of 53 votes ‘for’ to the three hundred and somethings ‘against’ (a hundred and something abstentions) that women alone should rule the world. However, I think that most of the ‘team’ on the side of the feminists (and on the other, I might add) were secretly of the same persuasion of the 2007 Pew Global Attitudes survey of 46 countries which found most thought both men and women make equally good leaders if selected on individual merit!

The evening began with drinks and a superb three course dinner for the speakers and senior officers of the Society where I chatted at some length to bursar Colonel Bill Bailey MBE about his recent refurbishment programme and the price of cigars, and to Jan-Jonathan Bock Peterhouse about his ambition to make great art films to express his world views. I look forward to seeing them at Cannes! Twenty minutes before the appointed hour every seat in the Debating chamber was filled and therefore the event began promptly at 8pm.

Louise Court, the very unassuming and pleasant editor of Cosmopolitan spoke first and boldly put forward her well-prepared case for female supremacy. Possibly the fact that he had heard that very day of his promotion from pupil to a permanent seat in Chambers, Cambridge grad Rupert Myers, an experienced, international debater was in particularly feisty, challenging and witty mood. That did not help us! Next to the foray came super business woman Emma Wimhurst who spoke clearly and with great humour about our multi-tasking abilities. She was followed by ex Apprentice runner up James Max who has had ample experience in ‘wind-ups’ of campaigners on his LBC talk show and continued in this style to decimate our proposals.

Speaking third, after the floor had been opened to the students for twenty minutes or so, was fairly challenging. My own view, that women are naturally talented motivational leaders (which they practice on a minute on minute basis from birth with empathy, encouragement and on occasions sheer nosiness for detail) had mostly been covered.

However, it was good when researching for this evening to refresh myself on some encouraging statistics (for this blog) about how we women are progressing. Like, how since only 1928 (women under 30 didn’t get the vote in this country until then) we have done pretty well. Internationally our leadership skills are being recognised – only in 1960 Sirivamo Bandaranaike of Sri Lanka became the world’s first female selected premier minister; and only this year Monaco became the last country in the world to have it’s first female member of government. Today we have three highly respected Queens; Elizabeth 2nd, Queen Beatrix of The Netherlands and Queen Margareta of Denmark., 8 female prime ministers and 8 female presidents.

Edwina Currie, a skilful debater and confident speaker who brought great theatre to the event, stated that many of the 120 women ministers in Parliament in this country today were ‘politically correct’ appointees and many were completely ineffectual. Were we dispirited? No, because, the other side did concede that some of our female leaders had been exceptional – like Maggy Thatcher and Queen Elizabeth 1st, Angela Merke – (so who’s side were they supposed to be on?)

Joking aside, I somehow managed to bring into my humble contribution the stirring passage that has haunted me since I came across it some years ago and which I felt relevant to any political debate of the time. 1969 Apollo Astronaut Rusty Shweickart’s account of viewing Planet Earth from space, of being struck by its total fragility, ‘the precious little spot in the universe’ that could be blocked out by his thumb. How we need to keep perspective on the real challenges of leadership, whether they be taken up by men or women, of being able by any means to avoid conflict at all costs, in order to tackle the issue of our stewardship of the globe and all that involves.

‘The size of it, the significance of it – it becomes both things, it becomes so small and so fragile, and such a precious little spot in the universe, that you can block it out with your thumb, and you realize that on that small spot, that little blue and white thing is everything that means anything to you. All of history and music and poetry and art and war and death and birth and love, tears, joy, games all of it is on that little spot out there that you can cover with your thumb.’ Rusty Shweikhart, Apollo 9 Astronaut, talking about his view of Planet Earth from space. img. courtesty of NASA

Barbara Wilding CBE, the Chief Constable of South Wales Police, the UK’s most senior long serving police officer offered help with her observations of females in the police force over forty odd years. ‘Women are particularly good at emergencies – at responding to the immediate situation while ‘keeping the home fires burning’.

My view is that we currently have an emergency on our hands and that urgent situation has to be addressed. For that reason I concluded that maybe the world would be better if women were in charge, if we were able to take a fresh approach to the aims of leadership; to use our skills of communication and bonding to be able to find common ground during world negotiations on climate change.

A credit to the organisers, October 8th at the Cambridge Union on Bridge Street was a thrilling evening in more ways than one - a lady from the floor leapt up in defence of the personal attack on Cosmo Queen Louise Court to remind Edwina Currie of her four year affair with John Major; And that was just one of the cheeky exchanges which lifted the roof with applause and laughter.

After the debate I stayed on for the debriefing with the gorgeously debonair CUS President Julien Demercq and to chat with Caroline Cummins about life after Cambridge in London and the Freshers Ball which was happening the following evening.

There were several memorable moments, but one of the outstanding recollections of the evening was the warm and welcoming greeting I received from everyone at the Cambridge Union, the electric atmosphere charged by a long sense of tradition, but more than anything, their exceptional hospitality.

Many thanks indeed Cambridge for having me.