Unique Inspiration

It was an early, frosty start for me this morning. My younger daughter had been chosen to compete for her RAF cadets—and we had to make the bus by seven. Early, we watched other teenagers arriving with their creased and starched uniform trousers on hangers, shiny boots in hand. ‘I really love the RAF,' she said unprompted, 'It’s different to school. Everyone’s respectful. They’re all there for the same reason. You can really be yourself.’ We supposed it was something to do with 'the rules were known', parameters drawn, the formality, marching, timekeeping. A combined sense of purpose; pride in being part of a disciplined group that ironed and polished, not just partied. ‘Everyone’s so different,’ she said. The only thing that set one apart from the other was their personality, their individuality. I thought, yes, it's nice to show off who you really are and still have people like you for it.

In a woman’s world, grown-ups, its completely different, isn’t it. What are the rules? What is considered ‘right’? Stay at home, or go to work? Get married or not. Have children? When? How to dress? What age is the right one? Too young for this, or too old for that? Twenty or sixty? What size is ok? Coy or forward, mousey or brassy, liberal or strict? In other words how do we avoid that conflict of disapproval?

That’s where the secret of motivation for women lies. Not one woman’s life is the same as another, and yet we seek to copy if only to gain approval and encouragement, to get along, group up well, avoid getting it wrong. It's understandable, and in many ways admirable. If there is a 'kit' then we will wear it. No one really likes a radical, upsetting things, making the place untidy. But, problem is, as women, there isn't one set style, one colour suits all.

No. I believe every woman has a unique purpose, often challenging, and always changing. Step back from the throng, think; ‘what am I doing today which is unique , which is unexpected, which is inspiring?’ The answer will come to you, and you alone.

ACT!

A lot of the best motivational and encouragement advice I have gathered has been from sports coaches. The reason for this is because it is not just ‘pie in the sky’ style of wishful thinking but based on hard research - evidence of how human beings operate under stress.

For example if a footballer gets into a habit of missing his penalty kicks then it takes mental work and visualisation techniques to recover his or her confidence.

I was reminded of another valuable fact the other day when my daughter came in from lacrosse practice. Her coach had taught her about ‘make or break’ people in a team. In other words, come on the pitch with a smile and a confident attitude you are as 'maker' and the whole team will respond. If you slouch on to the field muttering 'Oh my God, have you seen the size of them?' you are a 'breaker'. And it’s true to say that in group tactics negativity can spread almost instantly and destroy morale. Much, much quicker than positively.

So why do so many women use 'breaker' tactics? And often. Even in situations where they should be confident? Usually because they are inhibited by the outcome. 'What if we lose when we have been swaggering about' attitude. Understood, no one wants to be humiliated by defeat and be seen to be 'overconfident'. One thing remains true though, in situations where you cannot determine with certainly the final result - where it is out of your control - then you might as well be a 'maker'. You have then at least got some chance of encouraging others to do their best, play well, achieve their potential.

Of course there is a time to voice your fears – definitely- and that is when lives are in peril (read my speech on You Can’t Fight City Hall) but there are other times when you can change your's and other's behaviour dramatically for the better using positive attitude.

All very well, you say. But how do you actually pull that off when you are racked with fear and insecurity and it is telling all over your face. Mother's anxst, for example.

You pretend to yourself you are reading from a script. Yes. That's all you do. You make believe. You invent. You ACT!

Women and Motivation

I believe that motivating women requires a completely different approach. Which is probably why many women complain that the standard methods of motivation just don’t work for them. Firstly, traditional motivational courses start with setting goals and focusing on those aims. That’s all very well and good if you know exactly what goals to set. And let’s face it, it's now well accepted that women are multi-taskers (which means multi-focussed!). Hence, when a woman complains she 'doesn’t know what she wants', she's not just ‘being a female’ but probably being entirely honest about the source of her confusion.

There is nothing more frustrating than to know that you have the ability to succeed at any given task or to achieve the realms of success if you could just focus on one goal. That’s not always possible for women. So, instead of dismissing multi-focus as a weakness, let us start by looking at this as an advantage. Very little is known about the drives of human beings, let alone women in particular. Why, because research bothered not to single out women until they became major consumers, major earners. Only when marketing recognised the potential for profit did they begin to get serious about understanding the female brain.

Truth is we are probably multi-tasker for a good primordial reason. Even with little or no education women across the world have had to care for their families in any way they could so that we have developed a new science which is part learning (how to cook, nurse a child, make clothes) and for a large part intuition. And this to me is the secret of motivation for women.

Goals are all very well for men, who are acknowledged to be single focussed, but the natural demands on women (whether they be state leaders or mothers at home) mean that their aims have to take into account their multitasking. Developing effective goals for women means researching a course of action which will satisfy several needs at one time i.e. Male Goal: Become leader in field of biochemistry. Full stop. Female goal. Develop excellence in field of biochemistry, move to a more sociable area, lose weight.

Chances are if a woman accepts her goal setting will be possibly the hardest part and more primordially based, she is far more likely to continue with her activity. Summary: Female goals are different. Women have to get in touch with their intuitive desires and needs rather than focus on a wish list of materialistic achievements.

Step 1. Imagine how you would be if you were born back then (in the caveman days). How would you set your goals then? Think intuitively, outside the positive thinking mould. What do you really care about? What would you like to achieve and how could that integrate with the other demands on your time. Like your children? Don’t think focus, think multi-focus to begin with. More in my next blog.